Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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