Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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