what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
May the power of my ass compel you!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
