It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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