my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
