i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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