I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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