Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
