it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
