he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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