After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
