i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
