is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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