I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
