How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
