First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
