Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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