I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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