Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
