I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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