i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
