home. puking in laundry basket.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this just has baby written all over it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
