I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
