nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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