Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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