so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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