So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
