I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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