I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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