I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
