I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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