we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
