peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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