A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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