you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
