How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
