i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
