You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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