oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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