I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
