we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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