i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
