I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
