i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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