she was so not down for the gang bang
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
