Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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