so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
