you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
