Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
