is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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