We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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